


S7 E18 Requiem

by JDPostEpisodeChallenge, starbuckmeggie



Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [11]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-19 11:02:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17000343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDPostEpisodeChallenge/pseuds/JDPostEpisodeChallenge, https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbuckmeggie/pseuds/starbuckmeggie





	1. Chapter 1

When I make my way out of CJ's office, I'm happy to find Donna still hanging around, chatting with Margaret and some of the other staffers. She says a couple of quiet goodbyes as I hover around the outer door, waiting for her. My hand presses gently against her back as I usher her through the doorway, pushing her just a little as she gives me a confused look.

"Isn't CJ coming up, too?"

"She had some calls to make first," I answer as we start to wind our way through the halls to the residence. We're quiet then, and I wait until we're somewhere between the offices and the Residence before coming to a stop, grabbing onto the hem of jacket so she won't go very far. "Donna…"

"Josh? What's going on?" Her forehead crinkles in concern, her head tilting to the side.

"Come over later," I repeat; it sounds more like a demand than a request.

She sighs, shaking her head. "We already talked about this."

"I know, I know, but…I just kinda want you there."

She reaches out, stroking my cheek for the briefest of moments. "It's sweet, I guess, that you're trying this hard for a booty call—"

I grab at her hand before she can pull it away entirely, pressing it to my chest. "No, not a…one of those. I need someone there with me."

She tenses up, her smile looking forced. "You should probably ask Amy then."

"Amy? Why the hell would I ask Amy?"

"Isn't she your savior?"

"What? No! Donna…" My mind races as I try to figure out why she'd say something like that.

"C'mon, Josh. We need to get up there." She tries to walk away. Her hand is still on my chest so I just tighten my grip, trying to pull her back to me.

"Donna, please. I need you tonight."

"But what about the next night?" Her voice grows quieter, and I have to lean in to hear her. "I need somewhere to stay for a week or two until I can get back into my apartment. I'm supposed to blow off CJ for tonight and expect her to welcome me back into her home tomorrow?"

"Not at all—"

"And the bigger question is, do you need me, or do you just need a body?"

Has she lost her mind? "Donna, what the hell are you talking about?"

She leans away from me, trying half-heartedly to tug her hand free. "Well, if you're just looking for company, call Sarah Potrero. She's nice, and you never know—she might need some 'company,' too."

"I'm not calling Sarah—"

"Fine. Ask Amy, then. I'm sure she'll be happy to—"

"Donna, Amy has a boyfriend now."

Her eyebrows quirk, the corner of her mouth twisting a little. "I'm sure if you just mentioned it, she'd come running." My eyes grow wide at the hint of vitriol in her voice. "That's the only reason you're not asking her to come over—she's already involved with someone?"

Realization dawns over me—Donna has somehow gotten the idea that she's my second choice. Nothing could further from the truth. "I wouldn't care if she was wearing a flashing neon sign that said 'Open For Business,' I'm not interested in Amy."

Donna's face softens a bit, thought she still looks skeptical. "You're sure about that?"

"I've known her for a long time. We have a lot of history—"

"I'm aware," she mumbles, avoiding my gaze.

I can't help but wince at that. Donna definitely had a front row VIP seat to my relationship with Amy including scheduling dates, sending flowers when we had a fight, receiving calls from while I was lounging around in Amy's bed. It couldn't have been fun, and if whatever is going on between us is something that's been building for years, I'm sure it had an added level of horror for her.

"But none of that means I want her with me instead of you." I release her hand but immediately grab onto her hips, stepping closer. "Maybe this isn't exactly what you want to hear, but I really could use a friend right now. I mean, no matter what's happening, we're friends, too, right? And we've both lost someone we care about."

A lump forms in my throat that I can't clear away and my head drops forward, my chin resting on my chest. "I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you."

"You want your own personal celebration of life, don't you?" My head whips up but she's smiling at me gently, her eyes teasing, and I immediately feel myself relax.

"Well, now that you mention it…"

She chuckles a little, taking a step closer to me. "I'll think about it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Not the answer I'm looking for, but better than a flat out "no" like before. I lean in and press my lips to hers. She makes a noise of surprise but only hesitates for a second before responding. I try to keep it gentle but I haven't kissed Donna so many times yet that I don't still marvel at how unbelievable it feels.

"You know," I breathe against her lips, reluctant to pull too far away, "you _can_ stay with me as long as you want to. The invitation isn't just for tonight." I kiss her again. "If that changes things."

"I'll think about it," she repeats, barely coming up for air between kisses. I'm hoping she won't be a hard sell because just casually doing this is awesome.

It occurs to me at that moment that I'm making out with Donna Moss in the middle of the White House. Despite the circumstances, about five million fantasies are coming true at once. I've definitely imagined scenarios very similar to this one in the last eight years or so. I feel myself being pulled closer and smile against Donna's mouth when I realize she has me by the lapels. Kissing her may not make everything better, but it sure as hell doesn't make anything worse.

Vaguely, I hear a noise down the hall and remember that CJ is probably heading this way now. Donna tries to shove me away but I hold onto her for a couple of long moments. Whatever this is, even if we're not advertising it, shouldn't be treated like it's something unseemly. We're not doing anything wrong. Besides, if we yank apart like that, it'll inevitably look like we're trying to hide something.

I take a step back, my lips the last thing to leave her, and take a deep breath. I wipe my hand over my mouth, hoping that it doesn't look like I'm wearing Donna's lipstick. She wipes at the edges of her mouth and I can't help but feel satisfied that her already full lips look even more swollen right now. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair is a little mussed, and she looks a lot like we've been doing something more than kissing.

"Hey," CJ says, her voice full of surprise as she catches up to us. "I thought you'd be up there by now."

My mind draws a blank. It's on the tip of my tongue to say that we were making out like a couple of teenagers, but I don't know either of the two women before me would appreciate that.

Donna jumps in, shaking her head and waving her hand dismissively. "We had some other stuff to talk about but it didn't seem like it'd be appropriate for the Residence."

I have to admire that—Donna managed to tell CJ the truth without giving away any of our actual conversation or actions.

"Well, is everything all right?" CJ asks, concerned.

"Okay as it can be for now," I answer, impressed with my own diplomatic answer.

CJ gives me an odd look but I try to brush it off. A lot of us are behaving strangely right now; hopefully she won't put too much thought into anything that seems more off than it should be. "Are you ready to get in there, or did you need a few more minutes?"

Before I can answer, Donna jumps in, shaking her head. "No, let's go." She and CJ turn to walk down the hall and I just shrug, falling into step next to Donna. I'm not brave enough—or dumb enough—to put my hand on her or my arm around her, so I press myself as closely as I can to her side, happy for any contact I can get.


	2. Chapter 2

I rub my forehead as I leave the Residence, the President's words still ringing in my ears, and stop short when I see Donna and CJ a few feet down the hall. They're close together and speaking in hushed tones, though it doesn't seem to be anything dire. CJ's head snaps up and she gives me a strange look, one of her eyebrows reaching for the sky. Donna's face turns red and she looks down, pushing her hair behind her ears. I hesitate, not sure if I should approach or not. Instead, I stand awkwardly an uncomfortable distance away, shifting from foot to foot. CJ looks back to Donna, saying something that makes her smile. I hear CJ say "better offer," though I'm not sure if she's teasing Donna or referring to herself. They give each other a quick hug and CJ gives me another look, this time raising her eyebrows suggestively at me and smirking before she disappears down the hall. I try not to get my hopes up as I make my way toward Donna. She looks up and gives me a little smile. My pace quickens without my even realizing it.

"So…" I say, still trying to keep my expectations reasonable.

"You still want company for a little while?"

My heart actually pitter patters. "Hell yeah. Where's your stuff?"

"They were nice enough to hold onto it for me downstairs," she answers. "It's with my jacket, I hope."

I put my hand low on her waist and guide her back down the small maze of corridors, trying not to come across as too enthusiastic, but also hoping to get her moving fast enough that she doesn't want to reconsider. It's a little bizarre, but I'm actually really excited to have Donna coming home with me, and for reasons other than sex.

…Though that part'll be nice, too. But I was serious earlier when I told her I didn't want to be alone, and Donna has always had a knack for making me feel better when things seem like they're falling apart. I can feel the deep sadness over the loss of Leo creeping in around the edges, and I'm sure it'll rear its ugly head sooner rather than later. Donna can commiserate, or talk me down from the ledge, or distract me with her endless supply of trivia. Donna can help me through this, and maybe I can do the same for her, too.

We gather her bags and our coats without any fanfare and I lead her out into the cold night as if this is something we do every day. We don't work for the White House anymore and it's no one's concern or business if we leave together. Even if anyone were to notice, we certainly came and went together enough back then that it still wouldn't have caused a stir. It's definitely different, though. This time, we're leaving with the intent to home together, something we might have been able to do years ago if I'd trying pulling my head out of my ass.

She doesn't say much as I hail a cab and we pile in, though she does press herself close to my side, her hand resting casually on my leg, as if we do this all the time. I don't know if I could communicate right now anyway—my heart is pounding so hard I feel like I could pass out at any moment. It's ridiculous—Donna's been to my apartment a million times. She probably knows the place better than I do. I'm pretty sure she's the one who put everything where it is now. I don't know if either of us ever would have called it her home away from home, but she has definitely always been comfortable there.

I turn my head and kiss her temple, lingering for a few long moments. She tilts her head toward mine, smiling softly, and I lean in to press my lips against hers. We manage to keep it simple, like something two people who'd been a couple for a long time would do, but I revel in the feel of it. Her lips are so soft and somehow so familiar despite the newness of all this.

When we pull up to my apartment and pay the driver, I'm still not sure what to say. This is completely uncharted territory. All I'm able to do is grab her luggage and lead her into the building. Despite the fact that she has a key of her own, I manage to juggle her bags and push open the door.

We stand uncomfortably in the silence of the dim apartment for a few long moments before I clear my throat. "So—the grand tour. This is the living room."

She tilts her head to the side. "Josh…"

"Well, living room and dining area. However, most meals are consumed on the couch, which is pretty comfortable. And this way," I pause, grabbing her hand to drag her along, "is the kitchen. Help yourself to anything you find in here. Most likely, it's only going to be ice cubes and coffee right now, but maybe I'll get a chance to get to a store tomorrow. I'll buy you breakfast in the morning, though." I'm aware that I'm babbling at this point, but I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it.

"Josh, I know where everything is."

I pull her down the hall; I know I sound like an idiot, but I need to do something. I flick on a light for a few moments. "Bathroom, of course. Feel free to take up whatever counter space you think you might need." She makes a noise at that comment. I know it came out sounding misogynistic, but all I meant was that she should feel like she could use what she needed. "And last but not least…" I turn on another light, blinking at intrusion. "The bedroom." I drop her bags unceremoniously on the floor. "This is where you'll sleep." A strange feeling that's a lot like butterflies hits my stomach. "Right there," I say, pointing to the left side of the bed. "Or there." I point to the right side. "Whichever is better for you. I'm fine with either."

She blinks up at me, her already wide eyes larger than normal. I'm probably freaking her out right now. I'm freaking myself out a little, truthfully. Having her here like this isn't something I was really prepared for. At least I changed the sheets when I got in yesterday—despite the fact that I haven't been here for weeks to use them, they were a little gross. I didn't do much about the rest of the place, but I suppose she of all people would understand why it's so dusty and kind of stale in here.

I run the backs of my fingers over her cheek, marveling for a few moments that, despite the fact that she looks vaguely alarmed, she's here. She's in my apartment in a way she's never been before. This is pretty big.

"I can…I can sleep on the couch, if you'd rather." I blink in surprise, completely unsure of where that suggestion came from. "If you think I'm being too…me."

The corner of mouth quirks up and I swear she leans into my touch. "Josh…I didn't come here to sleep alone," she answer softly.

I grin for a moment before I lean in, kissing her. She responds immediately, turning so she can wrap her arms around my shoulders. I pull her close, one hand around her waist, the other on the back of her head. I can hear my brain screaming right now, jumping up and down with excitement because I'm kissing Donna Moss in my bedroom and it's _finally_ not a fantasy. I untangle my arms and push at her jacket, feeling a gentle _whoosh_ of air as it falls to the floor. I grab at her dress next, pushing up the skirt with one hand and fumbling about for the zipper with the other. She shifts her hips from side to side a little, helping me get the garment off her body. I come up for air a few moments later, holding her face in my hands as we gasp for air. I push her soft hair off her shoulders before I attack her neck, sucking at her delicate skin. She makes a noise and starts pushing at my suit jacket, which I gladly yank off and throw across the room. I try to pull off my tie but find I can't kiss Donna's body and undress at the same time. I move to continue kissing her but she grabs my tie, stopping me; she's breathing heavily, her skin is flushed, her eyes dark and determined. She pulls the tie loose and drops it to the ground while I tug at the buttons on my shirt. I wind up popping off most of the buttons in my haste, making her laugh as I struggle to get the cuffs off my wrists.

I drop onto the edge of my bed, pulling her onto my lap and kissing at every bit of exposed skin frantically. A moment later I flip her over, pressing her into mattress. I come up for air for a few moments, taking her in as much I can. It blows my mind that Donna's in my bed. I've wanted this for such a long time. I lean into kiss her again, wrapping my arms around her. All I want is to lose myself in her.

"Josh," she breathes, her nails scraping across my scalp. It sends shivers down my spine. I settle my weight against her, holding onto her as tightly as I can. "Josh," she says again, louder this time, her fingers tugging at my hair.

"Wha—" I cringe, my head popping up at the sensation, but I immediately return my attention to her. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

"I need to know what this is."

Just when I thought my heart couldn't hammer any harder. "Ummm…"

"Is this about comfort? Do you need to forget?" I'm not sure what kind of face I make, but her eyes go huge in response. "I'm fine with it no matter what, but I just want to know what you need from me tonight."

"Donna…"

"Today has been…so terrible. I know what Leo meant to you. If you want to just forget about the outside world for a while, we can do that. I just want to be here for you. Tell me what you need."

I stare into her eyes for a long while—those deep, beautiful eyes that express so much, the eyes that have only in the last few days let me see an entirely new side of her. I let out a shaky breath and drop my head into her neck for a few moments before I push myself off her and sit on the edge of the bed. I bury my face in my hands, shame rushing through me.

"Josh?" she asks, her voice wavering with uncertainty, and I can't help but feel terrible. I put that uncertainty there. What the hell am I doing?

"I can't use you like that, Donna," I mumble.

The bed creaks and I feel her body next to mine a moment later. "I didn't think you were." She puts her hand on my leg, squeezing gently. "I know we haven't been doing this all that long but sex can be about comfort or trying to pretend something awful didn't happen. We've known each other for a long time and we've been there for each other during other low moments. Just…let me be there for you now. I _want_ be here for you. Tell me what you need right now."

I feel an overwhelming bubble of sadness start to make its way up from deep in my stomach. I shake my head and dig the heels of my hands into my eyes. I don't want to cry. _I don't want to cry_. I've done that enough the last few days. I know Donna won't mock or judge me, but I just want to keep myself together. "I'm sorry," I hear myself say.

Her arms wrap around me, pulling my head down to rest against her chest. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she answers softly, her fingers running through my hair again. "Leo was family. You've known him for a long time. It's okay to be upset." She kisses my forehead, tightening her grip on me. "Let me take care of you," she whispers.

I shudder, a sob tearing out of me a moment later. I haul her onto my lap, holding onto her as tightly as I can as I weep all over again for the man we've lost. She rocks back and forth gently, unconsciously, and oddly enough, it makes me feel better.

I'm not sure how much later it is, but I finally lift my head from her chest and look up at her blearily. She just gives me a little smile as one of her thumbs wipes gently at my cheek. She leans down, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. I let out a shuddery sigh and tighten my grip on Donna. Somehow, it's only then I realize that she's mostly naked and has been sitting on my lap in her underwear as she tries to comfort me. The absurdity of the moment hits me and I burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry," I gasp, unable to catch my breath. "But…" I gesture between our bodies, hoping she gets what I'm trying to say.

She laughs a little, rolling her eyes. "You're punchy. It's been a long…well, year. What do you say we just go to bed?"

My laughter definitely dies down a little at that. "Donna…"

"For now," she reassures. "I think we could both use some sleep." She stands up and I try not to gawk at her as she stretches in front of me, her body going taut for a few long seconds. She's probably not wrong; my thoughts and emotions are all over the map. I wouldn't have thought it possible to be horny while so incredibly sad, but it seems I'm capable of anything at the moment. Sleeping for a few hours might be what I need more than anything. She tugs at my hands and pulls me to my feet. "Strip."

"Uh, Donna?"

She rolls her eyes again, shaking her head. "Down to your shorts. Give me your undershirt."

I can't help but feel oddly self-conscious as I pull off my shoes and pants, but watching her grab her clothes off the floor and drape them carefully on the foot of the bed helps to distract me a bit. I stare in utter fascination as she removes her bra, though the view is short-lived as she takes my shirt from my outstretched hand and pulls it over her head. Truthfully, I'm pleased to see that it barely brushes the tops of her thighs, giving me a mostly unobstructed view of her long legs.

She sighs when she notices where my eyes have landed and turns me toward the bed, reaching around me to pull down the blankets. "Sleep, Josh. You need sleep."

Somewhat reluctantly I crawl between the sheets, blinking in surprise when the light turns off a moment later. Before I can think about it, Donna's sliding into bed next to me, her body warm and reassuring beside mine. I blink rapidly, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark room so that I can see just a little bit of her. She pushes herself closer to me and I immediately wrap my arms around her, holding her the way I wish I'd held her our first night together.

"Thank you for being here tonight," I finally whisper. "I know I'm kinda all over the map right now but you being here with me means more than I can tell you."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she answers, draping her body half over mine. She lifts her head and suddenly presses her lips to mine for a few long, sweet moments. "Get some rest. We'll figure out our next step in the morning."

I nod as she resituates herself. I don't know how much sleep I'll actually get tonight; I've hardly gotten any sleep in a year so I'm not sure if now will be any different but at least this time….this time I have Donna.


	3. Chapter 3

Wakefulness comes over me gradually, my body fighting it every step of the way. I’m warm and comfortable, surrounded by pillows and blankets, and it makes me wonder why I’m not still sleeping. I turn over and pull the comforter tighter around my shoulders, hoping I’ll be able to go back to sleep.

At that moment, though, I’m overcome with an odd sensation of being watched and my eyes snap open. I have to blink a couple of times but Josh comes into focus; his head is propped up by his hand as he looks at me, a gentle smile on his lips.

“Hey,” he whispers, his hand coming to rest on my waist. “You awake?”

I blink a few more times, discombobulated by my surroundings until my brain catches up, reminding me that I’m staying with Josh in his apartment. In fact, this is the second morning in a row we’ve woken up together. It’s still not something I’m used to.

But I don’t hate it.

“Hi,” I answer. I reach out and place my hand on his exposed chest, making sure he’s real. “Why are you staring at me?”  
He lets out a low chuckle. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t a dream.” He scoots down so we’re face to face, our heads on the same pillow. “Hey,” he says again, leaning in and kissing me softly.  
I hesitate for just a few moments, suddenly very conscious of my morning breath, but it doesn’t seem to bother Josh. His hand on my waist tightens and he pulls me closer, and I shift the blankets out of the way until we’re skin to skin. It’s all such an odd sensation. A week ago, the most I’d done with Josh was kiss him and that was just the one time. Now I’m in bed with him, in his apartment, completely naked and honestly very sated. It all feels so bizarre and somehow completely natural. Despite how awkward it felt when he first brought me here the other night, it’s felt completely natural since. It wasn’t hard to curl up in bed with Josh or sit on the couch with him while we watch TV or talk about everything that’s happened in the last few months or even make love with him. It all feels like something we’re supposed to be doing. But there’s definitely a part of my brain that’s having trouble catching up to how quickly everything has happened.

He pulls his lips from mine slowly, sighing as he nuzzles my nose. “I like waking up like this.”

“Mmmm,” I agree. “It’s not terrible.” He pokes my side and I chuckle. “What time is it?”

“Early. You should still be asleep.”

I laugh again, burrowing myself into him as much as possible. “Then you shouldn’t have been staring at me.”

“Your eyes were closed—how could you know I was even awake?”

“I could feel it. It was like tiny lasers piercing my skull.”

“That’s a nice visual.”

I smile and sigh, taking a chance and pressing a kiss to his neck. Casual intimacy isn’t something we’ve worked on yet—when would we have had the chance? Our entire relationship has consisted of a couple of hotel room trysts, and two nights and a day at his apartment.

I sigh again, feeling a bit of shame wash over me, which is a little ridiculous. I’m an adult. I’m allowed to have sex with someone. I’m allowed to have sex with someone without dating them. But it just feels like it should be more with Josh, like we shouldn’t be hiding out in his apartment naked instead of going to dinner or the movies. Though I can’t deny that just hanging out with him for the last thirty or so hours has been nice. Really nice. And actually restful, despite several enthusiastic rounds of sex. Of course, we fell asleep after those, so that probably helped.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking too much.” I try to push myself closer to him. “You said you’d have to go into work today?”

He groans and buries his face against my hair. “Don’t remind me. We wanted to be able to give everyone the whole weekend—give everyone time to decompress, you know?” He says that like I wasn’t informed of all this already before the funeral. 

“There’s just so much that needs to be done.”

“Are you going in for the whole day?” I ask, looking up at him and hoping that I’m giving him my best adorable look. I worry I’ve aged out of adorable, though. Well, I worry until he makes a strangled noise and pushes me onto my back, covering my body with his. I moan with satisfaction as he kisses me.

“Half a day—max,” he mumbles against my lips.

“Promise?” I ask, wiggling my hips against his.

He moans—loudly—lifting his head from mine. “Promise,” he answers, a flush creeping up his neck. “You’re going be the death of me, woman.” He kisses me again and rolls off me, pressing close to my side. “You could come in with me.”

“Or, you could just think about me lying in your bed—that should make it easier for you to leave, right?”

“Donna!”

I shrug and grab his hand, pulling it off my hip and bringing it to my mouth. I kiss the palm then hold it to my chest. “Just trying to help you find some balance.”

He snorts and leans in, kissing me again. “I’m just going to go in, make sure a few things are being handled, and come back home. The President-Elect won’t be back from Houston until late tonight, anyway.”

“You’re going in now?”

He just rolls his eyes playfully. “I’m in no condition right now to go anywhere, thank you very much.”

“Like that’s my fault.”

“I’d say you’re at least partially to blame, yes.”

I turn on my side and throw my leg over his, pressing our hips together. “If you say so.”

A strange noise comes out of his mouth but he only kisses me again. He actually kisses me quite senseless until we reemerge from our cocoon some time later, breathing heavily, faces flushed, skin sticky and sweaty, and satisfied grins on our faces.

“Hey—can I ask you something?”

I chuckle, pushing my damp hair out of my face. “After that? You can ask me anything you want.”

He laughs, kissing my neck. “Orgasms equal answers?”

I stretch, taking a deep breath before curling into him again. I could really get used to waking up like this. “Until I’m able to gather my wits. Ask away.”

“It’s probably going to seem odd.”

“Oookay.”

He makes a face and shakes his head. “Never mind. Let’s just go back to sleep for a while.”

Like that’ll happen now. “Out with it, Josh.” I prop myself up on my elbow, staring down at him. He sighs but pops himself up, too.

“Why’d you think I’d want Amy here with me instead of you?”

I can actually feel my face flush with embarrassment, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I was red all the way down my chest. “What’re you talking about?”

“C’mon, Donna, you know what I’m talking about. You kept saying I should invite Amy over here if I was looking for company. Amy and I haven’t been anything for a long time.”

I drop onto my back, pulling the blankets up to my chin. “I wish you could see the way you look at her.”

“How do I look at her?”

I feel so ridiculous for even bringing this up. It’s not like I have some sort of claim on Josh. We’ve only slept together a tiny handful of times. That does not a lifetime commitment make. “Like…I don’t know. Like she’s the answer to all your prayers.”

His eyes grow wide. “Donna—”

“And it’s your life, I guess, but I just don’t want to see you go down that road again. You always wind up getting your heart stomped.”

“I already told you that she has a boyfriend.”

“That doesn’t always mean—”

“And I told you I’m not interested in being with her.”

I hate myself for feeling insecure when it comes to Amy but there’s something about her that’s always done it to me. I can’t believe after all this time, after how far I’ve come, all it takes is seeing Josh give her that look at the memorial service to make me feel like an insecure high schooler. Add in the fact that she suddenly wants to set Josh up on a date—which I can’t help but feel is some sort of tactical maneuver on her part—and Josh didn’t immediately tell her to let it go…I’m probably putting too much thought into it. But that’s what Amy Gardner in Josh’s presence does to me. It’s ridiculous and over the top and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

“Look, it’s understandable, I suppose. I know Amy was the great love of your life, but—”

“Whoa!” he exclaims, bolting upright next to me. “What the hell ever gave you that idea?”

“Josh, come on. I’ve been here through every part of your relationship. I know how you get around her.”

“She’s not the love of my life!”

I sigh, readjusting the blankets around me as I try to maneuver myself into a more seated position. “I’m not judging you for that or anything—”

“She’s not the love of my life. You’re the love of my life!”

I lose all ability to speak for several long moments. My mouth grows dry as I stare at him. I feel my lips start to quirk up at the corners though I fight back my grin. 

“No, I’m not.”

He looks a little shell-shocked, too, and I’m positive that he didn’t mean to say it at that moment and in that way. He finally grins at me; dimples deep, eyes crinkled, and with more teeth than I ever knew he had. “Yes you are.”

“Josh…”

“Donna, I love you.”

My cheeks ache, and it takes me a minute to realize it’s because I’m smiling so hard. “No, you don’t.”

“I really do. I love you.”

“You’re just saying that because—”

“I’m not saying it because we’re in bed or because we just had sex or whatever. I’m saying it because it’s true.”

I don’t know how I manage to smile any bigger, but I feel my grin widen anyway. 

“Really?”

He scoots closer, taking my face in his hands. “Really,” he whispers just before he kisses me. I can’t help it—I feel a tear spill down my cheek. He just wipes it away with his thumb, keeping the kiss gentle. 

My heart flutters wildly; I wasn’t expecting anything like this while staying with Josh. I thought—I hoped—that we’d get to spend some time together in this new way and maybe work toward becoming something more permanent, but I never imagined I’d get a declaration of love. I thought that was something that’d take more time. Still, I don’t doubt him. This part of our relationship might be new but we have known each other for almost ten years. I suppose it isn’t entirely out of the blue.

Josh pulls away from me abruptly, twisting around until he’s draped over the bed, reaching into his nightstand. Impressive—he’s ready for round two and is grabbing a new condom in anticipation—  
He turns back to me, small velvet box in hand, and all thoughts vanish. For the second time this morning, my mouth drops open in shock. He shifts nervously and opens the box lid, and my hand flies to my mouth. Knowing what’s in the box and seeing what’s in the box are two entirely different feelings. Right now, my stomach feels like it’s going to fall out of me. I can feel myself crying, tears escaping my eyes at an alarming rate.

“Donna,” he says, his voice cracking. He clears his throat, and it’s then that I see his hand shaking just a little. “Marry me?”

I struggle to find my voice, somehow finding myself shaking my head. “Josh—we can’t. Not that I don’t…I mean…I…do you have an engagement ring on hand just in case of an emergency?”

He still looks wide-eyed and panicky, but he laughs a little at my question. “I got this for you.”

I feel the corners of my mouth pulling up again. “No you didn’t.”

“Donna, I swear.” He pulls the ring out of the box and hands it to me. “Check out the inscription.”

I take it from him reluctantly, trying not to think about what it means and instead focus on trying to read the tiny script inside the band. Established 1998. My heart absolutely melts. “Oh, Josh...”

“I wanted to put something meaningful there, but I’m not so great with things like this. Then I thought, you know, the year we met would be…nice.”

I sniffle, turning the ring slowly in my fingers. “Josh, we can’t,” I finally say, trying to give it back to him. “It’s too fast—”

“Donna, if the last year, and especially the last few weeks, has taught me anything, it’s that we shouldn’t waste time. We shouldn’t put off getting married because of what the world might think. If it’s right for us, that’s all that should matter. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please…will you marry me?”

My mind is reeling. Is this happening? This isn’t some intense dream I’m having during a catnap on the campaign trail, induced by the jostling of the bus? A week ago, I could barely get Josh alone in a room for more than a minute or two at a time. I never thought he’d be able to pluck up the courage to follow through with our interrupted first kiss all those weeks ago and now we’re in bed, in his apartment, and he’s asking me to spend my life with him…and I’m fighting him on this why?

“Yes.”

His eyebrows jump up, making his forehead crinkle into a dozen little hills and valleys. “Yes?”

“Let’s get married.”

He lets out a yell and tackles me, knocking me onto my back as I laugh in surprise. He grins at me for a moment before leaning in to kiss me. I’m sure it’s all in my head but this kiss feels different than the ones we’ve shared before. His head pops up a moment later and he grabs the ring—the ring that somehow hasn’t gotten lost in the moment—from my hand. There’s no hesitation as he slides it onto my ring finger. I hold up my hand for a few long seconds, marveling at it all. Inexplicably, the ring is a perfect fit. I probably shouldn’t be surprised—Josh doesn’t do anything halfway. I still have so many things to ask and to talk about, but I just kind of want to enjoy this moment.  
He settles his body mostly on top of mine, pushing the blankets out of the way so that we’re skin to skin. He grins from ear to ear and grabs my hand, kissing the palm before nuzzling his cheek against it. 

This is all so unreal.

“If this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up,” I whisper. He leans in and kisses me, and it takes me a few extra moments to realize we’re having trouble with it because he’s smirking. “What?”

“I think that was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say,” he answers, laughing.

I smack his shoulder, making his smirk disappear. “This coming from the man who had an engagement ring in his nightstand on the off chance that he’d have me in his bed at some point so he could propose? I think you have the market cornered on cheese, Josh.” He rolls his eyes and leans in to kiss me again, but I put my hand over his mouth, stopping him. “The ring was for me, right? You don’t just keep one around in case you’re here with some girl and the mood hits you and—”

“Donna,” he says, pushing my hand away. 

“There is no one else in this world I’d have an engagement ring for. I didn’t go out and get one and hope that it’d fit some random woman at some random moment. I got it for you so I could give it to you. I just didn’t know when that would be. It was in here because that seemed like the easiest place for me to keep it and I’d always know where it was. I don’t want to marry anyone else. Just you. Please believe that.”

I feel tears prickle my eyes and I reach up, running my hand through his wild hair. “You realize that’s even cheesier, right?”

He laughs and presses his face into my neck for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I can see that. So…if this is a dream, I hope I never wake up, either.”

I run my fingers down his cheek, sighing with happiness. “I love you,” I whisper. “So much.”

“I love you, too.” He kisses me then, and all the horrible stuff from the past year or so—the fights, the silence, the losses, all of it—disappears for a while. For now, for a few moments, it’s just me and my fiancé, and a world of possibilities.

And it’s enough.


End file.
